Can you believe that it's already March? I seriously don't know where the time goes. It's just flying on by. I do know though, there are times where I find myself questioning my purpose and what I'm doing with my life. Should I be in a different place by now? Should I have accomplished or done even more hustling than I have the energy for? Am I being the best mom/career woman/partner as I can be? Sometimes these negative thoughts can be triggered by the smallest occurrence - like things not going just as I planned, or seeing someone else succeed in something I think I should be doing, or feeling overwhelmed when I've committed to something I really should have said no to. Perhaps you know the feeling? I always try and remind myself to be grateful for all that I have and all that I don't. And as I am just learning the true power of saying "no", I'm also aware that my life can be as fulfilling as I want it to be. I can choose my outlook and actions, and that simple act of choosing can shape the outcomes of my days.
On Friday, my dad's wife lost her mother. She was 101 years old! She lived a very full and long life, and touched a lot of people's lives. She was a teacher most of her life as well as a philanthropist. I only met her once in person, yet she always asked about how I was doing, and of course in the last year and half wanted to constantly see new photos of Jack. The last time I experienced great loss was when my grandmother passed away 2 Halloween's ago. It's something I still haven't been able to completely articulate my feelings about, but I do know she lived a life full of sacrifice, and only wanted the best for her family. She was full of energy and rarely stayed still. After my grandfather passed away at the age of 87, she still lived for almost 20 years. My ahpo (grandmother in Hakka Chinese) lived to be 84. Whenever I see a butterfly, I think of my grandfather. And whenever I see a hummingbird, I am certain it's a sign from my grandmother. And I'm reminded that I'm doing just fine, living in a way that allows me to wholeheartedly appreciate and live the width and depth of this grand thing called life.